Executive Coaching

What you do when you catch someone doing good: MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF IT!

Many years ago, when my daughter was in grade school, we were notified from her school that she had gotten caught doing good and was sent to the office to meet with the Principal. I know, read that again. She got caught doing something good and they “wrote her up” and sent her to the principal.

Apparently, a teacher had watched her pick up some garbage, that she had not thrown down, and put it in the garbage can. They wrote her up and sent her packing to the Principal’s office. The Principal beefed her up, encouraged her, thanked her and wrote up the paper-work to send home.

Yes, Lindsey Oaks, had done something good and had gotten caught!

She was deeply impacted. Her parents were deeply impacted.

Life lesson: What do you do when you catch someone doing good? MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF IT! Say thank you. Send a card. Make a social media post. Blab it. Write it up and tell it.

For many years, our church threw a very tasty Thanksgiving feast for the sanitation workers in our city. We took pans of homemade food and served them while they feasted. We gave away gifts and prizes. We thanked them. We blessed them and prayed blessings on them.

I think the impact is multiplied when we acknowledge and thank people for their “goodness” when we don’t know them.

Mother Theresa told the following story:

One evening we went out, and we picked up four people from the street. And one of them was in a most terrible condition. I told the sisters, "You take care of the other three; I will take care of the one who looks worst." So I did for her all that my love could do. I put her in bed, and there was such a beautiful smile on her face. She took hold of my hand as she said two words only: "Thank you." Then she died.

I could not help but examine my conscience before her. And I asked: What would I say if I were in her place? And my answer was very simple. I would have tried to draw a little attention to myself. I would have said, "I am hungry, I am dying, I am in pain," or something. But she gave me much more; she gave me her grateful love. And she died with a smile on her face. Gratitude brings a smile and becomes a gift.

A dying lady caught Mother Theresa doing good.

A dying lady said “thank you” and Mother Theresa was impacted.

After noticing something good they had done, I used to enjoy calling staff members into my office. When they would arrive I would instruct them to shut the door. “Sit down,” I would say. As the seriousness of the moment began to dawn on their psyche, I would look them in the eye and say, “You did a great job today.” Relieved, they would be obviously moved. Other people in their lives often told me the impact that moment had on their friend.

It takes so little effort and the impact is so huge.

I dare you today, catch someone doing good and make an issue out of it!

Gifts are free but maturity is expensive…

The vast majority of humanity lives so far below their potential.  It is because, somewhere, in their past, they stopped growing.

Why do people stop growing?  Because it is expensive.

Buy the truth and sell it not.  Proverbs 23:23

That means truth and growth will cost you something.

Personal growth is not cheap.

Gifts are free but maturity is expensive.

Making up your mind to grow means understanding that it will cost you.  

Expensive things like growth never show up accidentally in our lives.

Personal growth only shows up when we decide to PAY for it.

Taking another class costs you money, time, effort, energy…

Reading a book a week costs you…

An extended prayer time every day costs you…

A date night every week costs…

A close circle of friends costs you…

Being the expert in your field costs you…

Learning a new skill costs…

Taking new risks cost…

Most people, somewhere, in their past, stopped paying the price to continually grow.

If you are going to grow, it will not be cheap. 

There is a price to pay for personal growth.  

With Solomon (the writer of the Biblical Proverbs) I say: 

Pay the price, BUY IT!

(Uhm… There is a price to pay for ignorance too).

Selah, pause and think about that…

TLDR - Too Long Didn't Read

Ten words per page.  

According to Seth Godin, that’s how many words we scan when we see a page of words.  He suggests that on a billboard, it is, perhaps, five.  

This means that for our post, email, letter or advertisement, we get ten words.

Somehow, we think it is more true if it is longer.

The university I earned my first degree from just redid their mission statement.  OMG, IT IS SO LONG NO ONE COULD EVER REMEMBER IT.  

Ken Blanchard says an organization can only have three core values.  Any more than that is never remembered.

The texting generation has a word for “this is more than ten words”:  TLDR (too long, didn’t read).

You only get ten.

Choose them wisely, when you write your next email.

Choose them wisely, when you write your announcement.

Choose them wisely, when you do your post.

Choose them wisely, when you design your landing page.

Admire Them!

Donald Miller tells the story of a group of his friends deciding to give themselves a standing ovation. Reluctant at first, Miller stood up and began to clap. What happened next was transforming. As he began to clap and look at his close friends around the room, his mind began to find reasons for admiring them. He was moved as he realized how some had overcame incredibly challenging things in their lives.

He began, then, to feel such admiration for them.

Miller describes it as an amazing experience that taught him that sometimes “just deciding to admire someone, causes you to find a reason to admire them.” Every human being has some thing that causes them to be admirable. There is some thing that they have gone through that makes them completely admirable. The fact that they continue to do what they do every day, considering what they have come through, is very admirable.

Sometimes, “just deciding to admire someone, causes you to find a reason to admire them.”

His advice? Just look for something to admire in people and they will sense your admiration. Reject starting with the mindset that they need to earn your admiration. Start with the mindset, “I already admire you.”

Reject starting with the mindset that they need to earn your admiration.

Miller says, "People admire you when you admire them."

Maybe it’s true what the Karate Kid said years ago, “What goes around, comes around.”

Selah, pause and think about that…

Volunteers are GOLD!

In the book, “Simply Strategic Volunteers” by Tony Morgan and Tim Stevens, Tim tells a story about when Granger Community Church was going to get pounds of food delivered that they were going to distribute to the community.

The delivery organization contacted the church and requested five or ten people and a forklift to unload the pallets of food.

But, what they did next was CRAZY and… very strategic.

They parked the delivery trucks further away so they could have a long line of people unloading the food and working together.

Tim and the folks at Granger decided not to get five, or ten people and a forklift. Instead they intentionally opted to get tons of volunteers to come in and unload all of this.

Not because it was more efficient, but because it could involve more people.

They intentionally made it harder…

To make the process take longer…

So that they could involve more people.

They knew something that we need to understand:

Involving people in your organization makes your organization more meaningful and impacting.

Tim said the next year when they did it again, they had twice as many volunteers and they still didn’t have a forklift because it wasn’t about getting it done quickly. It was about getting it done with the most people they could involve in the process.

In nonprofits, Volunteers supercharge fundraising.

Statistics tell us that 95% of volunteers also give to that organization.

AND, volunteers give more than twice as much as non-volunteer households!

The organizations that treat their volunteers as lifelong major donors will thrive.

Terry Axelrod says that “in the new reality, volunteer programs will be operated hand-in-hand with fundraising programs.”

In Forprofits, volunteers supercharge culture.

Nothing is more powerful in your organization than culture. It has been said that culture eats strategy for lunch. Invite volunteers to sit on feedback boards, serve in the community with your company, or even to work overtime hours. The opportunity to volunteer supercharges your company’s culture.

Selah. Pause and think about that…

Mentors: Fixing the disconnect

Haven’t we all experienced the disconnect when someone that we know is a poor leader posts something about leadership online?  Or, in a conversation, they quote some leadership maxim as though as though they own it?  I am always amazed at the leaders who talk leadership, read and share leadership but are horrible leaders.  They read leadership books.  They quote magazine articles on leadership.  They post leadership quotes.  

But they are poor leaders. 

Their people remain undeveloped and never reach their potential.  Their companies don’t produce better people and superior service or products.  

These people talk leadership but don’t walk it.

What is the problem?  In my estimation, they lack true mentors.  

They lack the kinds of relationships that require personal openness and evaluation of their strengths and their weaknesses.  These kinds of relationships can sound scary. There must be a real desire to work on areas of weakness under someone else’s tutelage. 

These kinds of relationships can sound scary but the payoff is HUGE.

Studies tell us that leaders that accomplish great things and finish well all have one thing in common; they have all had great mentors in their lives.  According to Ron Lee David, the one most common characteristic in Nobel winners lives is that they were influenced by, and mentored by, someone else who had won a Nobel.  

So, mentors are good for us.  But how do we get them? 

Years ago, I remember meeting the Sr. VP of a very large international corporation in our city.  I knew that he managed millions of dollars and a very large work force that included a dozen or more VP’s that reported directly to him.  At that time our church only consisted of a few hundred people, and I was overwhelmed with the responsibility.  I couldn’t imagine managing all the resources that he directed here and abroad without living totally insane.  

It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.  I asked to meet with him and asked if he would give me some time and let me probe him about how he managed.  Would he give me a lunch hour?  Would he give me two lunch hours?  Three?  Would he consider more?  I would be grateful for anything he would give.  I also made it clear that anytime he would meet with me over lunch, it was on me!  

His response pleasantly surprised me.  He said that the moment we met, he knew I was being sent into his life to mentor him.  ME MENTOR HIM?  “I can teach you a lot about leadership and administration, David, but there are a lot of things about relationships that you can teach me.  Come to my office every Wednesday, my secretary will have a lunch waiting for us.”

“And,” he said, “I am paying, I insist!”

That executive met with me for about a year.  We enjoyed each other.  He examined my life and habits and I his.  When the time was up we both moved on.  We both were larger for our commitment.  

How do we get these kind of mentors? 



Just ask them.

Find someone who handles their money exceptionally well, and ask them to coach you in that area.

Find someone who has the kind of marriage you admire and ask them to coach you in being a good marriage partner.

Find someone who is a great public speaker and ask them to coach you in public speaking.

Find someone who knows how to invest money in the stock market and ask them to coach you.

Find someone who you admire in the way they parent their kids and ask them for some time.

Find someone who communes closely with God in prayer and ask them to teach you.

ASK someone to monitor your attitude and be honest with you.

ASK someone to monitor your calendar and be honest with you.

ASK someone to examine your parenting style and be honest with you.  

ASK someone to examine your business and be honest with you.

ASK someone to be real with you about your needed growth areas.

I have had mentors help me learn to read P&L and Balance sheets.

I have had mentors help me learn basic accounting.

I have had mentors help me learn parenting skills.

I have had wonderful mentors coach me in leadership.

I have had mentors coach me in administration.

I have had great mentors show me the path to God in prayer.

John Maxwell defines mentoring as "A willingness to pour our life into another person and share our life with them. A desire to live for the next generation.”

John Crosby's definition: "A brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on and a kick in the pants." 

How To Get Great Mentors:

Step one:  Make the quality decision to incorporate mentors into your life.

Step two:  Look for the mentors to show up in your life.

Step three: ASK them for some time.


Just say "Thank You!"

People are always floored when I ask them what they think most charities and churches do when someone gives for the first time.  Maybe you will be too? Ready?


How, Oh how can you GIVE your money to an organization for the first time and NOT elicit a personal response?  I am not talking about the automated reply in your email that says “thanks.”  That is acknowledgement.  I am talking about a person taking the time to actually say “Thank you.”

For years at my church, every time someone gave for the first time, I sent them a personal card welcoming them to our giving community, said thanks and sometimes gave them my personal cell number to call if they wanted to connect.  I always sent a card but sometimes I would call.  

I loved it when those same folks gave their children money to put in the offering envelope and they would scratch their name on it.  By the handwriting and gift amount you could almost always tell it was a child.  I loved handcrafting the note to “Mr.” or “Miss” on the envelope.  You could always count on those parents finding me at the next church service and telling me the effect that note had on their children (often with moist eyes).  “Before we get to church, our kid is bugging us about giving in the offering.”  

Selah. Pause and think about that…

Sometimes I would get a listing of all the people who had faithfully given for years and years and send them a note and just thank them for their consistency and commitment to our mission.  

What did that 5 minutes cost me?  Consider, if the gift was $5.  THAT TRANSLATES TO $60 PER HOUR.  Mentally calculating my supposed rate of pay always helped me do the job cheerfully.  What about that $100 gift?  At $100 for 5 minutes time, that is $1200 PER HOUR.  What about that $1,000 gift?  THAT IS $12,000 PER HOUR RATE OF PAY.  Uhm…who gets to work for those kind of returns?


I often give initial gifts to organizations and churches and wait for the welcoming note or call.  And, I am again and again disappointed when I get no response.  Don’t they realize that there is more where that came from? Does it really matter, the size of the gift?  

ALWAYS give a personal thanks when your organization receives a gift from a donor for the first time.  ALWAYS thank them.  Use it as your opportunity to get to know them.  See if you can determine their motivation.  They didn’t give for that reason, but a “thank you” sure helps them give larger and more often.

Churches need to say “thank you.”

Pastor’s need to say “thank you.”

Nonprofits need to say “thank you.”

MGO’s need to say “thank you.”

Director’s need to say “thank you.”

Need more money for your organization?  Start saying a personal “thank you” regularly and consistently.